Tears of a Doctor
by Punkheart11
Summary: What I think was going on in the Doctor's mind when he witnesses Rita's death  and a little bit after  in The God Complex.  Not the best at summaries.


"I want you to do one last favor, Doctor. I can feel the Rapture approaching like a wave. I don't want you to witness this. I want you to remember me the way I was"

The Doctor couldn't believe his ears. The speaker was glued to his ears and his knuckles turned white as he held the phone to his ears.

"You stay where you are. Please, let me be robbed of my faith in private." Rita said, as she looked at the camera, eyes filled with false happiness at what she thought she was about to receive.

"Look, Rita! Look!, go into the room, lock the door!" he did now want to see this happen…he did not want to see another one die…so many had died for him, he did not want another…

"I'm not frightened, I'm blessed, Doctor. I'm at peace. I'm gonna hang up."

"No, no, NO!" He gripped the phone even tighter in his hand. After all this he could not bear to see it end so quickly. He was going to save her…he always saved everyone. Even when Rory died, he was stilled saved. He was the Doctor…he could save her.

"Goodbye Doctor." _Goodbye_, the word he hated the most. "Thank you for trying." NO! Sometimes trying wasn't enough he thought. He needed action…he could still save her.

"Rita please! Please!" He pleaded. If only she would cooperate he could do it…he couldn't do it by himself…for the first time since _her_ he felt totally helpless. That's when it happened. The shadow fell over the screen. _NO NO NO NO_! Then the realization fell upon him…he could not do anything…he was out of time. He pointed his screwdriver at the screen, and it turned black, and there was nothing but silence.

That's when he started to run.

He ran as fast as he could, not caring that Amy and Rory were running behind him, calling him. He was not listening, he had only one thing on his mind…to find Rita. He ran and ran, not even sure if he was going the right way. He ran until his legs were numb, but still he did not stop. It was only when he felt that he could not take another step that he found her. He abruptly stopped, and all he could do was stare. Amy and Rory soon followed him, out of breath and sweating.

"Doct-Doctor what are you…" Amy's eyes fell upon her companions, and trailed to where his were looking, glassy with tears. Rory saw too and was just about to go to Rita to see if she was okay when Amy held him back and shook her head.

The Doctor slowly approached Rita, he did not want to, but he knew it was inevitable. He kneeled next to her, and slowly touched her. Rory slowly approached him.

"Doctor is she…I mean there's got to be a way to s-"

"It's too late Rory…she's dead, and there's nothing we can do." He slowly picked Rita up and held her in his arms. "Come along Ponds." He motioned for Amy and Rory to come as he began to walk back the way they came.

As soon as they reached the main lobby he settled her down next to the other victims. "I'm so sorry Rita…so sorry." He kissed softly on her forehead and walked away to another section of the lobby. Anger was fuming in him from head to toe. WHY, he thought, why must the human life be so fragile! Why has the people he loved the most left him! I tried so hard to keep them safe, he screamed in his mind, I try so hard an what do I have to show for it? His thoughts were racing in his mind, and it wasn't until a certain blonde haired girl came to his mind that he finally lost it. He had reached his limit, and his frustration reached its peak. He picked up the nearest thing (a small 3 legged table) and threw it across the room, and it collided with the wall. He ran to a hutch next to him and slid his hands across it, sending every little glass object on it crashing into the floor.

Out of the corner of her eye Amy saw him and looked at Rory in concern. She felt she could not do anything but wait until he calmed down, but once she heard the Doctor grunt in pain after a particularly large crash she jumped up and ran to the Doctor, Rory soon behind her. She gasped as she saw the Doctor crouching and clutching his hand. From the blood dripping from his hand and the mirror that was cracked on the wall she assumed that he had punched it, which was concerning to her considering that she had never once seen him act out violently.

"Doctor what-"

"It's all my fault…it's all my fault…" he said, more talking to himself more than Amy while tears streamed down his face. "I couldn't save them…I couldn't save any of them…Rita, Donna, Rose…" he stopped talking, it was too painful.

"Doctor shhh it's alright, it's okay." Amy soothed him and stroked his hair. She had no idea who these other two people were but did not bother to ask. "Here let me see." She took the Doctor's hand, it was bleeding but the cuts weren't deep and wouldn't scar. "Rory do you think you can fix this?"

"Oh yeah, I'm sure I saw some alcohol and napkins in the kitchen." He walked off to get his supplies while Amy led the Doctor to a nearby table.

"I'm sorry you had to see my like that." The Doctor said, wiping the tears from his eyes.

"Hey, enough with the apologizing. I'd be more scared if you didn't release your emotions like that more often, it's only hu-well it's a good thing to do." She said, grabbing some napkins and cleaning up some of the blood."

As she did that, the Doctor stared at Amy. He had to stop this…he couldn't allow this to go on. He could not put Amy in more danger than she already was_. If-When we get out of this_, he promised to himself, _you will be safe forever Amy_.


End file.
